“If You Would Be Happy Your Whole Life Long, Become A Gardener” Old Chinese Proverb

I have just read Rosemary’s blog and nearly pooed myself when I realised that the Race for Life is so near!!!

With that in mind, let’s not talk about it!!!

Hasn’t the weather been atrocious for a bank holiday? The garden at least is enjoying the rain, which reminds me, I really must decant some of the pond water, from our raised half-barrel water feature, into the water butt before Nemo, our resident fish, (Sun chose the name!!) accidentally swims over the side of what is fast becoming an “infinity” style pool and plunges to his untimely death (for explanation of infinity pool see Viva Espana).

Frustratingly, the rain has not only interrupted my running schedule but has also kept me from my beloved garden. Some of you will know that I am in fact a budding Alan Titchmarsh or more accurately a budding Carol Klein who has inspired me to have a go at growing my own veg, in her aptly named gardening programme and best selling book to accompany the programme, “Grow Your Own Veg”!! I can’t help questioning how much effort was put into naming this programme!!!

In spite of its name, the programme itself was a thing of beauty, with Ms Klein, enthusiastically sowing, reaping and cooking organic produce all in the space of 30 minutes.
Misty camera shots of Carol working and walking her way around her small-holding, stopping only to hand feed a tame robin and smell a flower in full bloom, were complemented by a soundtrack straight from the love and peace hippy/folk era of the 1960’s.
Long summer evenings were exploited to the full on this programme, with scenes of Carol, after a long day tilling the soil with home-made, peat-free compost, being served a bowl of lightly cooked fresh broad beans straight from the garden, by her adoring husband. The beans, apparently according to Carol, were delicious and were accompanied only by a large glass of chilled white wine, which was no doubt produced from local grapes picked and squeezed using peasant methods and incurring zero carbon points. The almost pornographic images of condensation trickling its way down the curvaceous wine glass bowl and the evenings sun-rays dancing on top of the clear white wine, was enough to de-wagonise (own word but I think it works!) most reformed alcoholics.
And all the while serenaded by Joni Mitchell. Perfect. And to think they paved paradise and put up a parking lot!!!

Suitably inspired, I have recently stripped my appalling leather-jacket infested lawn and replaced it with raised beds in which to grow my own veg. So far I have found that it doesn’t seem quite as romantic as the programme had me believe!!
Let me re-write the above passage for you and you will see what I mean:

Misty mornings see Julie working and walking around her small-garden stopping only to shout at Sun to go back inside and get his shoes on before he comes out in the rain. Julie struggles to find anything in bloom in the garden but when she does she leans over and gives it a good sniff only to get a fly lodged in the back of her nose and then spends most of the morning sneezing like a horse with hay fever.

Julie plants onion sets, which are then promptly removed by Sun who checks to see if they have grown. Julie then sows a variety of seeds in carefully prepared drills which are then dug up by the family cats who think the raised beds are super large litter trays. And all in the space of 30 minutes.

Ms Lender-Swains home-made compost is smelly and sludgy and full of flies, so Julie tills the soil using the cheapest buy 2 get the 3rd free compost offer from Wickes.

As the sun goes down at about 4.30pm, Julie after a long day working in the garden and with a back as stiff as a board returns indoors to prepare the evening meal. Burnt pizza, served only with a large glass of warm (forgot to chill it!) Australian Chenin Blanc. The meal according to Julie was disgusting and accompanied only by the slightest disappointment of the enormous carbon footprint that her days gardening has stamped on an already stressed environment. Depressed, Julie slumps in front of the TV and scoffs a family bag of Revels.
And all the while serenaded by Sun’s 100th rendition of Incy Wincy Spider.


However not one for being put off at the first hurdle, I have persevered and am very pleased to report that my veg and salad crop are doing fabulously well. In fact today I will be doing something with 10 tonne of spinach that I have single-handedly produced!!!!!!! Not sure what yet…..a vat of soup maybe? But if you have a better recipe for spinach and swiss chard then please feel free to post a comment!!

I suppose I should mention that I have been to the gym this morning and managed to run 5 km on a cross-trainer without stopping!! Quite pleased with that but still think I am probably 4 weeks off of running it proper!!! But I am keeping at it and will see how it goes.

On another short note, Rosemary and I are quite interested to know if anyone is actually reading this blog, so please if you have time post a comment we would love to hear from you.

Farewell for now

Julie ;0)